'You know that was two years ago, right?': Backwoods burglar unsuccessfully robs a pair of new homeowners after mistaking their house for his

Author image for Jesse Kessenheimer
Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Jan 25, 2024 7:00 PM EST

Living in the middle of nowhere can be scary sometimes. With law enforcement miles and miles away, when something goes amok on your property, you're on your own. So while you're out there living in the boonies and you hear a calamitous kerfuffle outside, you should grab whatever weapon you can reach and go check it out yourself. 

If you're lucky, it'll be a coyote, a raccoon, or a skittish young bear venturing too close to your garage, but if you're like the guy in our next story, it's a little more 'small town' than that. 

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  • You know you're a bad news thug when the local sheriff starts to call you by your first name. Although you may be living in a small town just south of Nowhereville, being the town's most well-known criminal in't a badge you should wear with honor, especially if you're no good at it. 

  • In our next story, a man and his wife were quietly asleep in their new home in the lonesome backwoods when they heard a clanking skirmish in their yard. The town's worst criminal was at their front door, clamoring clumsily to rob them blind. Scroll for all the details of a criminally bad criminal in action.

  • 01
    "He's lucky you called the cops"
    via canva
  • 02
    r/r/Entitled People Posted by u/mat-c-sweet 22 hours ago Being called entitled for changing my locks 2 years ago. M This is a weird story that just happen over the weekend thought y'all might enjoy it. So, Saturday night the misses and I are lying in bed trying to go to sleep when I hear some noise from the back door,
    via mat-c-sweet
  • 03
    storm door opens and slams shut. I'm not fully asleep yet so I put on pants and shirt I can find and grab my trusty shotgun. We moved to the mountains side and most of the area is still wooded and living in such condition wild animals are an issue, we have bears, coyote, racoon and bobcat to name a few.
    via mat-c-sweet
  • 04
    So, as I'm moving to the back door, I hear a window break in the back garage. I look out and see someone breaking into my garage. I scream for the wife to call the sheriff office. Around here 911 doesn't work well for breaking in, we are connected with a couple of counties, and it gets confusing for them, we get quicker response by calling them directly.
    via mat-c-sweet
  • 05
    I'm now in go mode thinking some meth head is trying to score some tools for some quick cash. Got out of the house and notice this person truck still running. I did the only thing I could think of an took the key out of the truck and put it in my pocket and waited for the deputies to show up.
    via mat-c-sweet
  • 06
    Took them 20 minutes to show up, one was state police the other was local sheriff deputy who were doing radar 10 miles up the road, wife and I know them both. With my in hand, I told them someone was in the garage, and I haven't approached it yet but here's the key to the perp truck.
    via mat-c-sweet
  • 07
    They go inn dawned out and deal with the situation. The dude was passed out on an old bench seat for an old truck I have by the tool bench, they wake him up and arrest him with little to no issues other than him screaming profanity at them. They told me that I can press charge and to come in on Monday to file the paperwork, he's not getting out anytime soon since, on top of his breaking in, he's being charged with a dui.
    via mat-c-sweet
  • 08
    Yesterday I spent the day traveling trying to fix the window this AH broke since no stores that are open Sunday in my local area. While in my travels I'm fuming at the fact that I'm having to do this repair on a piece of junk door from the 70's. My wife was telling me to maybe let him go with a warning but I'm having none of it.
    via mat-c-sweet
  • 09
    So, this morning I went to the sheriff office. The same deputy was there that arrested the perpetrator, so I asked him how the ride with the dude was. This is the version the officer gave me.
    via mat-c-sweet
  • 10
    Officer: Why did you break into the garage. Perp: I was trying to get my stuff back, but someone changed the lock. Officer: You know they purchased that place from Kevin 2 years ago right. Perp: WHAT? That doesn't give them the right to change the lock without telling me.
    via mat-c-sweet
  • 11
    Officer: Hmmm yeah, they can, you ain't been in that house for like 4 years and I was the one who got you out of that house because you beat the | out of your old lady. That's twice I get to arrest you on the same property. Perp: But he shouldn't be entitled to change the locks though, were else am I supposed to go.
    via mat-c-sweet
  • 12
    He's being charged with trespassing, criminal trespassing, breaking and entering, driving under the influence and property damage of less than $500.
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  • 13
    JuliaX1984 19 hr. ago Hope those were some REALLY good drinks he had because he's going to be paying for them for years.
    via JuliaX1984
  • 14
    NarrowButterfly8482 18 hr. ago That reminds me... I forgot to give our new driveway gate code to the meth- heads down the street. 295 Reply Share Bice_the Precious 18 hr. ago Oh, dude. You gotta get on that.
    via NarrowButterfly8482
  • 15
    Most-Artichoke5028 · 19 hr. ago I can't believe you changed the locks wihout telling him. And you didn't even give him a key! Hahahahahaha. Around here he would have been shot. He's lucky you hung back and called the cops.
    via Most-Atichoke5028
  • 16
    Upstairs_Fig_3551 18 hr. ago It's hilarious the same deputy arrested him twice on the same property with different complainants 80 Reply Share VA-Syrup 15 hr. ago The irony of the situation is probably lost on the nephew.
    via Upstairs_Fig_3551
  • 17
    digitydigitydoo. 17 hr. ago As someone who still has the key to her parents' house that they sold over a decade ago, when you buy a house change the locks. You have no idea who may have a key to your new place.
    via digitydigitydoo
  • 18
    GrumpySnarf 17 hr. ago 'I did the only thing I could think of an took the key out of the truck and put it in my pocket and waited for the deputies to show up.' Mad respect for your smart actions in a scary situation. Sounds like nephew is still up to no good.
    via GrumpySnarf
  • 19
    JustanOldBabyBoomer. 19 hr. ago That dude is going to have a LOT of time to think while he's sitting in the Clink! ↑ 16 ↓ Reply Share Equivalent-Shop-3596 19 hr. ago I somehow doubt the nephew wastes an abundance of time on thinking
    via JustanOldBabyBoomer
  • 20
    anonymousforever - 17 hr. ago Idiot is lucky you didn't shoot first and ask questions later. ↑ 16 16 Reply Share mat-c-sweet OP - 17 hr. ago Yeah I wasn't going inside by myself, wasn't sure if it was a duo working in there or just one guy.
    via anonymousforever
  • 21
    MrDaburks 20 hr. ago Dude likely knew none of his property was in there but figured stealing from you was like sticking it to his uncle somehow.
    via MrDaburks
  • 22
    Jenderflux-ScFi 15 hr. ago Kevin probably changed the locks after kicking him out and before the new tenants moved in. Obviously you had to change the locks when moving in, it's the smart thing to do. Also, quick thinking to get his keys out of his truck so he couldn't drive away while law enforcement was on their way there.
    via Jenderflux-ScFi

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stupid criminals criminals criminal backwoods sheriff arrested entitled Reddit robbery burglar homeowners
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